Jokes

Rater the joke above you then put your own. Do not post without a jok3. :3
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

ihaveamac wrote:

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I dunno, what?

I LOVE THE OATMEAL
rate mmy joke.
10/10

ihaveamac wrote:

I LOVE THE OATMEAL
rate mmy joke.
10/10

10/10 to both xD

10/10

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

10/10 So true

9/10

10/10
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, homeless kid with no arms get for Christmas?

Cancer.

8/10

5/10, picturesssss....eh.....

This one may take a while to get, read it twice:

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"Shit" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

9/10

*insert bad joke*

floatingmagictree wrote:

5/10, picturesssss....eh.....

This one may take a while to get, read it twice:

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"Shit" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

hehe, it's funny cause they all turned into crap.

Jose arrives at the Mexican border on his bike with 2 huge bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks: "What's in the bags?"

"Senior, It's only sand." replies Jose.

"Sand??? Well, we'll just see about that - get off the bike!"

The guard takes the bags, rips them open, empties them out and finds nothing in them...except sand. Detaining Jose overnight, the sand is analysed, but only to discover it is in fact simply sand.

Jose is released, the sand is put into new bags and placed on Jose's shoulders, and he is let across the border.

Next day, same thing happens. The guard asks: "What you got there?"

"Sand," says Jose.

A thorough examination of the bags again shows there to be nothing but sand, and subsequently Jose is allowed to ride across the border.

For a whole year this continues until one day Jose doesn't show up, and the guard discovers him in a Cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, Bud," says the guard, "I know you're smuggling something. For a year it's driven me crazy. It's all I can think about... I can't get sleep, the kids are getting neglected...heck, even the dog senses I'm beginning to lose it! Between you and me, just what are you smuggling?"

Jose sips his beer, smiles and replies: "Bicycles..."

haha 10

4/10
No pic

Cartoon Network is bad.

0/10
its not funny, its true

FMT, i saw where you got that joke, thats where i am right now, looking for one....


yes, its a bit religionist, but gtfover it

Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around. The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"

And the Jewish samurai replies, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised.

trollathon wrote:

0/10
its not funny, its true

FMT, i saw where you got that joke, thats where i am right now, looking for one....


yes, its a bit religionist, but gtfover it

Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around. The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"

And the Jewish samurai replies, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised.

Hahah, 8/10

Since we're rating, shouldn't this go in TBGs?

Aidan wrote:

Since we're rating, should
n't this go in TBGs?

0/10.

what kind of cans can you find in mexico?

mexiCANS.

ahahahahaha./ im frikin hilarious.

8/10
Cartoon network is good. (wut)

4/10

How do you make holy water?
Boil the Hell out of it!

Aidan wrote:

4/10

How do you make holy water?
Boil the Hell out of it!

wuuut.... oh. i get it. meh. 6/10

guess what.....

i have a video :3



this shit is fucking hilarious

LOL! 10/10!

A boy goes to his grandpa's for the weekend, and one morning he finds his breakfast dishes not very clean. He tells his grandpa, and the grandpa replies: "best cold water can do!". The same thing happens, and the grandpa replies again: "best cold water can do!" Around dinnertime, the grandpa's dog starts barking at the boy, so the the boy says: "Grandpa! Your dog is barking at me!". The grandpa replies: "Coldwater, sit!"

throughthefire wrote:

LOL! 10/10!

A boy goes to his grandpa's for the weekend, and one morning he finds his breakfast dishes not very clean. He tells his grandpa, and the grandpa replies: "best cold water can do!". The same thing happens, and the grandpa replies again: "best cold water can do!" Around dinnertime, the grandpa's dog starts barking at the boy, so the the boy says: "Grandpa! Your dog is barking at me!". The grandpa replies: "Coldwater, sit!"

That joke, in one form or another, is really old. 2/10

Rose walks up to her mom and says "Why am I called Rose?" The mom replies, when you were born, a rose fell on your head. The next day, Daisy asks her mom the same question. The mom replies "Because when you were born, a daisy fell on your head." Then, the youngest son says to his mom "GBIFGISGBVIABVISGUIFGPABDSUIFOYGADSUO" and the mom says "Shut up Fridge."

Got that one from 08jackt.

floatingmagictree wrote:

5/10, picturesssss....eh.....

This one may take a while to get, read it twice:

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"Shit" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

LOL, I think it would be even funnier if he said "f*ck" instead.